Quinta

Yesternight, I have tried finding your house with my dear friend, Mr. Mill. The decision to do so was more like an impulsive act. I have always been impulsive, I like it that way. So there we are, trying to figure out which house is yours on those busy streets. We knew the landmarks, sure, but we never did find it. Besides, how could we possibly find it in a place we’re not even familiar with. It’s a risk, an immature decision that made us do it. I just want to find you, and to see you today. I have been dealing with a lot today, academics, emotional dramas from everyone and I was looking for salvation and that is you.

I always look for you when I’m most broken. I always yearn to see you when I’m about to break down and when I am actually breaking down. I guess it has been a habit since I first met you. I figured it would be nice to have someone like you around when things are falling apart. I figured that maybe, just maybe, you could make a difference like no one else in my life has done in a while. You seem to be an escape to the world that I am living. You seem to be the utopia I’ve always searched for. It is not possible, I know, that you end up being the perfect person with the perfect attitude. You would always have your flaw like what I have seen in the past days. But hey, I want that. I want to get the feel of you being unmindful of things. I want to get the feel of you wanting to get close to me. So everyone changes they say, so what? As for the moment, I just want you to be the person I always dream of having. You make me laugh; you make me go paranoid without you knowing it. You make my heart skip a bit. It’s the feeling I’ve missed for so long while I’m busy taking care of things that doesn’t make me happy anymore.

And so, speaking of that “not being happy anymore” thing. I’ll be telling you a secret. I feel like wanting out. And I want to prepare myself for it. I don’t know for how long but, I just know that I have to. It may be unfair for this person I’m referring to, but I’ve always had enough. But always I tell myself that I won’t ever be the one who would quit, that no matter what happens I’ll try to be the perfect person who won’t lose a thing when the “getting out” takes place. I may be playing safe but see, for the longest time, I have sacrificed a lot. I have done things I don’t normally do for the sake of something I don’t know if it’s worth fighting for. You know the saying that if you found a hundred reasons why something might not work, just find a reason why it would? I don’t know if I still believe in that. Mr. Mill, I have done everything I could to save something. I may have found that one reason to stay but what about the hundred reasons why it would not? What am I going to do with it? I am tired to trying to patch things up and this is where I want you to butt in. This is the part where I want you to be – to be next to me, to make me be okay, to save me. Please do so, Mr. Mill, without me asking you later. Feel the emotions blurring my sight, my reason.